Enjoying My Own Company
Jan 06, 2020
In sobriety I have found new hobbies and interests.
Drinking is no longer my only form of entertainment.
The automatic cure for my perpetual boredom when I was drinking, was obviously...drinking.
I am no longer entertained by sitting on the couch for hours sipping a substance into oblivion.
Drinking was not an actual cure for boredom at all, but it was a distraction from not knowing what to do with myself.
Boredom is a first world problem, but that doesn’t make it less boring.
The word boredom means lacking interest.
I was lacking interest in my whole life.
This was the real problem and boredom was just a symptom.
Drinking created chaos in my mind and in my relationships, which in turn, gave me something to do. This added interest to my life and solved the boredom problem.
Negative attention is still attention. Bad press is still press, as they say.
Drinking gave me bad press and attention.
Problem solved.
Drinking was also an easy way to have a so called social life.
If I was drinking, it was easy to find others to join me, in my quest for getting drinks.
I could always find someone to disconnect with.
Together, alone, if you know what I mean.
I was often not actually socializing or connecting, but instead just feeding my own addiction alongside someone else who was feeding theirs.
Drinking was an automatic activity and could be done in many ways and many locations, adding a spicy variety to the same old activity.
The options for drinking entertainment were endless.
I could drink at home or drink somewhere else.
I could drink and eat or just drink and not eat.
I could drink inside or I could drink outside.
I could drink in front of a fire or in front of a movie screen.
On a float, or in a boat.
After enough drinks, I was buzzed (or better yet, drunk) and incapable of doing anything else the rest of the night.
Boom!
Bingo!
Boredom cured!
Problem solved!
Now that I am sober, I have endless interest in life.
I have so much energy!
I have many creative ideas and list of things that I want to do and experience.
None of them involve drinking.
It's not as easy to find people to do these things with me.
Now I find myself, with enthusiasm, ready to explore all kinds of new things.
I want to go on so many adventures.
I have no one to join me on these escapades.
I have yet to find someone with my same interests.
So, I started (sadly) dating myself as a consolation prize.
The best surprise has been that I am enjoying my solitude beyond measure.
Maybe too much?
I am now hesitant to invite anyone to join me.
I am afraid adding a partner might interrupt my perfect solitude.
Doing stuff alone is not sad at all.
It is so free to be with my own thoughts and feelings and not worry about anyone else.
As a big extrovert, a great delight in sobriety, has been realizing how much I enjoy being alone.
I have done everything I wanted to do this year, much of it by myself.
I don’t mind being alone anymore.
Some of my best days were spent with just me, myself and I.
Lately, I prefer being alone to being with others.
Instead of feeling sad, lonely or needy for other people, I have found great comfort in being by myself.
I treasure the peace that comes from meeting my own needs.
This doesn’t make me a hermit.
Quite the opposite, actually.
My social life is also thriving.
Since getting sober, I have thrown more parties, stayed out later, and been more social than I could ever be when I was drinking.
I am able to connect with others on a deeper level.
I now have the energy for hosting.
I don’t become a liability mid way through a party and have to head home before I embarrass myself, like I did in my drinking days.
The day after a gathering, people are texting me that they enjoyed our time together, instead of me texting them my apologies for the alcohol doing the talking.
I still get invited to fun events and parties with friends.
I do not get invited to random nights of drinking when people want to get blitzed to avoid their problems.
I am not anyone's friendly drunk booty call for more drinks.
I am grateful for this, because I don’t want to go.
Most of the time when I get invited to something I jump at the chance to go.
When I was drinking and was spontaneously invited to something, I often had to turn it down because, I had already started drinking and couldn't drive.
Or I wanted to be drinking instead of doing an activity.
Or I was worried I would drink too much and it was easier to just stay home and drink.
Now, I have the freedom to join and also to leave whenever I want.
I am in control of myself and I have my own safe ride home.
I have met a few in real life sober sisters and we are starting a monthly social club.
This will likely grow in time.
I am glad I have put myself out there to meet new people.
I would never have done this if I was still drinking.
How many times did you actually follow up with the funny gal you met in the Ladies Room and promised to stay in touch and be best friends forever?
Never.
Finding sober support when you are not part of an In Real Life recovery community can be a challenge, but the silver lining for me, has been developing a great relationship with myself.
I encourage everyone to ditch the drink and start cultivating a relationship with yourself.
You don't have to fear being alone, you can call it enjoying one's' own company instead.
