Things That Change In Sobriety
Nov 02, 2021
There’s a lot of information out there about what changes in sobriety.
You read books and run marathons instead of sipping Chardonnay to take the edge off.
You go to bed instead of opening a second bottle for good time’s sake.
You meditate to escape the incessant critical voice inside your head.
It sounds cliche but it was true for me.
You lose friends.
Not directly from not drinking, it’s not that obvious.
But gradually you realize no one is reaching out to you.
Maybe they never were?
Maybe it was you forcing relationships (and almost everything in your life).
When I gave up drinking I gave up forcing everything too.
Life becomes super boring at times.
This is also true.
This seems like such a little consequence for the value gained.
Your health indicators improve.
You sleep better and your skin starts to glow.
Your blood pressure, weight, and cholesterol return to normal.
These results are almost always guaranteed.
The biggest change in sobriety is you.
You change.
Being willing to change yourself is absolutely terrifying and often done only out of necessity.
The person I was when I started the sobriety journey is not the person I am now, at almost 4 years sober.
I am not telling you this to scare you.
I am telling you because if you are like me, sobriety seemed like the worst case scenario at the time. I wanted to stop the consequences of drinking but I didn’t want anything else to change.
I now see me changing through sobriety as my greatest gift.
This is because I have changed.
The things I valued as a drinker, are not the things I value in sobriety.
As a drinker, my main priority was drinking.
Anything that made that activity seem normal, casual, and fun was something I wanted to do.
I was a drinker who wanted to drink, but I also wanted to keep my drinking between guard rails that felt like non problematic drinking.
I wanted to pass all the internet “Are You An Alcoholic?” tests.
I didn’t want anyone to know just how important drinking was to me.
This meant drinking until I was stumbling and slurring, but consistently waking up with my alarm and showing up to work on time.
Hiding the compulsive desire to drink from everyone, but also wearing t-shirts promoting drinking wine and petting my dog. This portrayed alcohol as a light hobby and not an actual concern for me.
This meant finding others to drink with, (preferably people who drank even more).
I was always combining drinking with mostly responsible parenting.
As a sober person, getting my drink on is no longer my main goal.
I would not go out drinking with a group of people who are not my friends, just for an opportunity to drink. As a drinker I would force myself to be in uncomfortable situations with strangers and just drink to tolerate it.
As a sober person, I would not add alcohol to every activity from children’s birthdays to sporting events. As a drinker I would be thrilled if someone brought up the idea.
As a teetotaler, I don’t need wine with my yoga.
I’ll just do the yoga.
As a drinker I would do yoga for punishment and detox, if I did it at all.
I now do it for self love and the high of connecting mind, body, and spirit.
I don’t need to stop for a drink on my hike.
I enjoy the hike.
I love the meditation of foresting and putting one foot in front of the other.
I do it for the wide eyed awe of the great outdoors.
I would no longer dull this down with a few beers.
I don’t need alcohol to cope with any of life.
This is my life.
I go to the grocery store.
I sit on the sidelines of my kids games.
I cuddle on the couch under a blanket and pet my dog.
My life is extraordinary and I wouldn’t want to dumb myself down for any of it.
I soak it in.
Stay present.
Practice gratitude.
I don’t have to drink to tolerate situations I don’t want to be in.
I can just leave.
I am always my own safe ride home.
I don’t sign up for activities I already know won’t interest me.
Saying “no thanks” to invitations has its own thrill.
This results in some disappointing Friday nights spent at home in solitude.
I find these evenings far less boring and lonely than watching acquaintances slowly lose themselves into the abyss of alcohol.
I love a lot of the things I do that might sound boring to someone else, as a drinker, they might have sounded boring to me.
Tucking in early with a good book delights me.
Keeping an organized house and healthy meal plan makes me feel accomplished.
Diving into building my business and nurturing my creative spirit gives me a rush.
This makes for a happy, healthy, accomplished, good life, not a boring one.
Saying no is so powerful.
Not being included in everything is ok.
Not having everyone like me or understand me is ok too.
Not needing the approval of the whole word has been the most freeing realization I could have.
I do not have to take on tasks, responsibilities, and roles that drain me.
I do not have to live in a state of overwhelm, like I did when I was drinking.
I like alone time.
I like rest time.
I like quiet time.
When I go out, I go out bigger than I ever did as a drinker.
I like to fully prepare for a night out, I get all dolled up!
I buy a new outfit!
I go to a better restaurant.
I see a more amazing show.
I stay out later.
I have more weekends away.
I pack in as much fun as possible.
But I don’t wait for weekends to have fun.
I have a weekly ladies night on the calendar and it fuels me.
I go on more adventures, more vacations, and have more experiences, sober.
It’s the best of all worlds.
More fun and more rest too.
I was living in perpetual purgatory while drinking.
Neither here nor there.
Not all in or all out.
I was just stumbling through the motions of my day.
Drinking enough and trying not to drink too much, and always getting it wrong.
As a drinker getting the drinks was my priority.
As a sober gal, recognizing my needs and taking care of myself is the priority.
It’s been a huge turnaround and I’ve never regretted it.
For those of you just starting out, know that you will be a different person in a week, a month, a year.
Sobriety changes you.
You will be so grateful for it!
If you are honest with yourself, your life might be improved with some changes, scary as it may be.
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